it's late at nite but i cant sleep. i juz keeps getting into my mind. yes i'm emo-ing rite now. i think this will continue for quite a long time.

and speaking of my sch. i fear it. i dunno why but everytime when i step into my classroom, i will feel this feeling coming towards me like a monster and wanna eat me up. but this feeling goes away when lesson starts because i enjoy every sec of me studying and digesting every bit of wad teacher teaches us. i noe this sound really fake because i dun seem to be like that in sch. the true fact is, i hide all my feelings. wad i feel deeply inside. i'd rather not let anyone noe because it's far too complicated. no one will understand even if i tell them why.

and when i see my classmates, i feel tired tokin' to them. i hav to be careful of wad i say so that they wun feel annoyed or awkward. i'm stepping each step so carefully that i feel like dying because i cant express a single bit of my real self. ppl will not accept me and think that i'm weird. i tried it once before. i was juz being the true yiming for juz a few min then ppl start to gimme those kinda weird look and said 'yiming, that's weird!/irritating!' or 'can u pls juz shut up?!'. and everytime i'll feel so hurt and aft that i'll juz go crazy and emo. if i dun behave like how i'm supposed to, i feel emo too. it's a circle and it goes around and around and around. i really cant stand it anymore. but i hav to. i mean. hu ask me to join ___? it's juz too bad. quoted from ms doreen loh.

i now hav to think of a way to solve the problems that i face. once again ppl will think that i think too highly of myself and they will say 'why cant u juz tell ur parents?' or 'why do u hav to care about wad other ppl think of u?'. oh well. i've already said, this is actually how my brain works and i cant change it.

i think i'm becoming more and more like a loser. cant do anything perfectly and nicely. wad's wrong wif me?????????