An easily hyped up girl who goes crazy over Tokio Hotel and is a diehard fan of Bill Kaulitz. She dreams of being thin one day, or perhaps having her own dance concert, which both are very impossible.
I don't know what the heck is wrong with me these few days, i've been crying and crying again and again when no one's around.
You know, i am truely lucky to have my dad as, my dad lah! Haha. I don't know how much he sacrificed for me, i don't know how much love he has given me. All i know is, take everything for granted. Wait, let me get the tissue box before i continue. My tears are wetting the keyboard.
Back. Okay, when i say take things for granted, i don't just mean ungrateful, i mean totally rude. I hate it when he is so nice and i just snap and shouts back at him, i will totally regret after that. Usually i'll just feel guilty, now, i feel like KILLING MYSELF. How can i do that to him? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE HE IS MY DAD! I don't know why i'm even doing this to him, it's so unfair that he gives everything to me but gets nothing back, nothing other than bad attitudes. I don't even wanna share my love with my own dad, what the hell am i? I'M NOT EVEN A HUMAN BEING.
When i was in the shower today, i suddenly thought of all the things i've done. I couldn't control my tears at all. I bet i've cried for almost 20min, i didn't even know if the water on my face was tap water or tears. There was water all over my face and i couldn't even breathe! It was choking. That was the word i thought of then, choking. At the end, when i was drying myself, i looked super freaky. My face was pale like flour with red, puffy fishball eyes and a red nose. Somehow my lips were swollen also. I always look freaky after i cry. I looked myself and thought,"This should be what i look like if i continue treating my dad without respect."
I know i love him but i can't say it out. I know, sometimes we just say "I love you" to our friends, that's easy compared to saying it to my dad. It's a deeper feeling you know? Someone that has loved every single bit about you and has loved you since the moment you were born and you know this will continue forever. It's like, you can't live without that person. I hope one day i can say it to my dad, but i bet i will be crying and sobbing after i've said it. I BET.
Dad? Do you hear me? I love you, i love you so much. You're the best dad ever and i'm proud to be your daughter :)
