Ok, i've rejected the offer. Whoa my mum was pissed. And now, i'm giving her the face and ignoring her completely. Too bad. I'm blaming it on her because she was the one who started it. I sound as silly as a child but this is how i look at things. Who gives the f about whether you are older or younger than me, you do it, then i'll do it in return. I don't give the damn about how i being the daughter should respect her because she's simply older than me. She didn't give me the respect when i told her my decision. It isn't fair for her to decide for my life. I said i didn't want it and i meant it. Too bad if she felt unhappy because she thought i could do it. Yes i could, and most probably i believe i could do pretty well, but i don't want to. I don't want to do something i don't like. I know a few years down the road i might regret this decision, but i might not. Who knows? Right now, my guts are telling me that i should force myself to do what i really don't like.

Mum, it's my life. If i screw it up, it ain't gonna affect you. Yes i might cry and i might regret making all those decision, but i'm definitely not gonna blame it on you. No use being mad at me. Of course i want to live my life right but i don't mind getting a taste of hell or something like that. It makes me grow up you know. I've been such a well protected child since young that even coming home at 8 worries you two. I need to get out of this and wake myself up. I know deep down inside i'm still so freakin' childish, sometimes i wish i wasn't. I want to experience all of the world and perhaps someday, i'll realise how silly i am now. I KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING IS REALLY DUMB because even i realise the flaws and the irony. What i've been trying to say is that i want to make my own decisions and i don't want you to worry for me.

Now i'm submitting that finaly subject combination option without any hesitation. If they're gonna put all the RA students in the first few classes next year, i can say goodbye to my 3oh!3 dream.